I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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