i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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