the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
