You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
