just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He has the fingertips of a God
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