i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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