I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
