i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
worst night to have a conscience
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
