woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's get the cat blown out
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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