the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
