shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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