oh god the rape fog is back!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
