do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
