How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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