I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize