also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
