I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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