i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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