I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
