so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
