So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
