that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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