This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize