I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
