Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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