walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
