matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
