i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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