we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
