you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
