Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
