hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
