At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
