My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
