How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
