he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
