I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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