i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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