Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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