Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
