I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
tell me about the eggs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
