help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
love makes seman taste better
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
organizing the empties. That sober.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
