I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
