mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it penis luge time yet?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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