Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
