My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
