I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize