The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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