His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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