First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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