Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
