Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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