I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
