mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
