I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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