the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
