judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Alive.
So much puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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