I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
