Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize