im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
