Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
