we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
