I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
