i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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