I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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