im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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