He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
