dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize