I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
