Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
