the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
