I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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