and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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