My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
did i just pee glitter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize