Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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