I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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