youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
