Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
