she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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