There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
