then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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