he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
