took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
