I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
