We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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