I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
