i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
