He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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