The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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