It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
