i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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