Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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