She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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