I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
