I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
