I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize