he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
