His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
