the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
