We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you mean i was at the winter classic?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
