try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize