i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
