Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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