you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
