Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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