she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
