Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

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(540): View more from Virginia

Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.

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(928): View more from Arizona

im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

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(917): View more from New York City

sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.

(917): View more from New York City

that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...

(303): View more from Colorado

Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?

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(701): View more from North Dakota

DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.

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