youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
