I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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