I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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