I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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